20 posts tagged “stupid”

Conrad posted this on Twitter, and it's just too good not to re-post.

Back in the 70's, a group of students formed an orchestra called Portsmouth Sinfonia.  It was formed of musicians playing instruments completely new to them.  They were um, not good. But I suppose that was the whole point, as they performed and released hit singles.

This is their version of "Thus spake Zarathustra" from 2001: A Space Odyssey.   Even if you weren't in band or orchestra when you were in school, you can appreciate how hilariously bad this is.  Unless, you're, you know, tone deaf.

I really wonder what level of effort went into something that sounds that terrible.  They must have only practiced once.

Sorry I've been absent, y'all. I'm having laptop battery problems and I've just been feeling too blah this week to write anything.  Here is an entry that I think will cheer everyone up, especially for today (what's with the "incident" on the Potomac River, anyway?  You'd think that if it really is training, they'd pick a better place/time to conduct it.)

My past entries in this set have dealt with hilarious comments from the online forum.  But every so often, the reporters for the paper prove that they too lack basic writing skills: 

Now, I'm far from the greatest driver in the world, but there are just some people who make me look like an expert.

There is a road circling my apartment, one lane going each direction.  I was driving up to the apartment entrance when I noticed a car sitting the wrong way in the lane going the opposite direction.  "What the fuck is he doing?" I thought, but then realized that he'd probably tried going through the gate that clearly reads "EXIT ONLY."  I guess reading comprehension is hard.  He wasn't making any moves, so I figured it'd be safe to drive past him.

The driver waited until I had just about driven past him to be like, "Oh hey, let me get into the correct lane."  Then he started shifting over in my lane.  I initially tried to speed up to get out of the way, but he didn't want to be behind me and started speeding up too.  So I had to pull to the right and slam on my brakes to let him in my lane. 

The best part?  As he cut me off, he gave me a look like this was all MY FAULT.  Stupid asshole.  I hope he gets stuck in traffic on I-35 for four hours.  Is that harsh? Okay, two.

I went home this weekend to pick my brother up for the Green Day show.  It was a fun weekend - I was able to see my godsister Raquel.  She's gotten so big (her fourth birthday is next week). She's at the age where she asks lots of questions, so it was so cute.  I was able to see her brothers too.  The boys have gotten so big and rambunctious, but they are so much fun.  It is impossible not to burst out laughing when I spend time with them.

Today we left for San Antonio to see the Green Day show.  We were able to get a hotel fairly close to the stadium. I've never been to a big stadium concert before, so I was a little apprehensive about the logistics of parking and such.  But I'm highly impressed - parking was actually EASY. I know.  There wasn't even a clusterfuck leaving.  I KNOW.

Franz Ferdinand opened for Green Day.  I had one of their CDs on my mp3 player so I was familiar with them.  They were pretty good, actually.  Maybe a little forgettable, but they sounded good and played some of their hits.  They only played for thirty minutes, which surprised Pat and me.  We waited for another 30 minutes for Green Day to come out.   Say what you will about Green Day, but they played a really incredible show! They played for 2.5 hours, and had the most audience participation I've ever seen.  They got us standing up because "this isn't a fucking Coldplay show." (LOL).  They sounded awesome too, just like they do on the radio.  And they played EVERY single one of their hits.  I can't think of one they didn't play - "American Idiot," "Holiday," "Boulevard of Broken Dreams," "Basket Case," "Minority," "Brain Stew," "Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)," etc etc.  We DEFINITELY got our money's worth. Pat called our mom during "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" and "21 Guns" because those are her favorites.

There's a different energy being up in the stadium seats.  We had really good seats, but it's not the same as being down in the pit, where Pat and I are used to. There's just so much ENERGY when you're down in the pit, which is why the Foo Fighters show remains my favorite.  There was this one couple with their teenage kid. They were the only ones sitting down, and the kid looked miserable as he sat there with his parents. The parents would look disapprovingly whenever the band members cussed or did something outrageous. One day when I have kids, I won't be a total energy suck like that. I'd encourage my kids to stand up and have fun, because concerts are all about jumping around and acting stupid.  

Afterward, we left.  I wanted a soda since I was thirsty. All the concession stands were closed, and there weren't any vending machines.  So Pat and I stopped by a gas station near our hotel.  There was a sign saying there was a 10 minute shift change and the station was closed for a little. We decided to wait, along with a small crowd out there. 10 minutes passed by, and we were still waiting. What was infuriating is the employee inside just walked around very slowly, purposely avoiding us, not caring that we were all waiting.  After awhile I started knocking on the window (childish, I know, but I wasn't doing it that loudly.)  The clerk chastised me, and I stopped ("Very punk of you there, Jen," my brother teased).  We waited another 10 minutes until we found out that they were never opening, and that we could only purchase something from the window.  There was about 15 people waiting by then, and we were all pissed! Why couldn't the clerk have told us she wasn't able to open the store when she saw all of us waiting for so long instead of pointedly ignoring us?  I can't tell you how frustrating it was.  Someone is a bitter angry bitch who hates her life.  I went up to the window and said, "THIS ISN'T GOOD CUSTOMER SERVICE" (yeah, I'm sure that made her feel real bad. Riiight).  When we walked away, Pat banged on the window.  When we got in the car, he said, "Honk the horn," so we did.  I am never that childish, but at the time it felt good.  Pat said he wasn't pissed, just that he wanted to make noise.  Whatever, I was mad. 

Afterward I drove to another gas station, but that was closed too! Then I went to a vending machine outside the hotel, but it was out of order. And the guy at the front desk couldn't get me a soda either, even when I offered to pay him for one. UGHHHHHHHH.  I finally went back to the hotel, angry and thirsty, but Pat had some ginger ale there that I was able to drink.  When I come back for the Metallica show next month, I AM BRINGING AMPLE SODA DRINKS WITH ME.

All in all, awesome night...too bad I have to work tomorrow.

I'm talking about cable news networks with Tap, and it reminded me of my long-standing dislike of Nancy Grace.

It probably all started when she interviewed Elizabeth Smart on her show and asked the most inappropriate questions you can possibly think of asking a kidnapping survivor.  I'm not kidding when one of the questions was related to how wearing a burkha feels.  Elizabeth Smart was completely classy and shut her down.  Watch the video below for the hilarity:

Crazy Bitch

2 comments

I was logging into playlist.com this morning and saw this picture, and it immediately conjured up everything I detest about hipsters and emo bands.

Gross

This is a super-long update, so if you've read this all you get...a cookie?

Since Monday, I have been up here in the lovely Cowboy Country.  I have returned to the Homeland, as they say (I went to college there for five years).  I had been looking forward to the trip since I really enjoy field work.  Sure, it's hard, sometimes monotonous work, but I find it very satisfying.  Plus, it's fun to get to play with environmental sampling tools.  However, even though I'd been looking forward to the trip, the timing, shall we say, was a little off.  I actually wanted to be in the office this week, for reasons that are unimportant and likely premature anyway.  However, duty calls, and I was at my office by 5:45 on Monday morning, a little groggy since I'd decided to pack at 10:30 the night before.

I was laughing because it was raining on the way.  Just about every time my parents drove me to or from Cowboy Country, it would rain.  How typical that it was raining on our way there.  I'd forgotten how freaking ugly some parts of the town are.  Holy crap.  The site I'm working on is not the prettiest, but I wasn't expecting it to be anyway. On Monday, my partner and I gauged wells. On Tuesday, we were supposed to purge the wells and take water quality readings and samples from the water, but the pump we had was not compatible with the generator we rented.  We lost a good 3/4th of the day from that problem.  We did catch up yesterday and today.  On Monday and Tuesday, it rained on and off, so it kind of sucked.  But yesterday and today had just gorgeous weather. 

The work I'm doing involves purging a well three times its volume with a pump.  We take water quality readings as the well is being purged.  Finally, once the well has been purged a certain volume, we take water quality samples.  The only part of this work I don't really enjoy is just the set-up and decontamination procedure afterward.  It can be a little tedious.  But the partner I'm working with is very knowledgeable, and patiently explained the reasoning behind the methods, had me practice with all aspects of the job so I could be familiar, made me brush up on my map reading skills, and let me back up the huge 4x4 truck with a trailer attached to it (I didn't run over anyway or hit anything.  SUCCESS!)  Plus, he's a cool, funny dude, so I had a good time.

On Tuesday, I walked to my old campus, since the hotel I'm staying at is right across the street.  The first ten minutes were pretty surreal.  "I can't believe I'm back!" I thought, looking at every building with nostalgia.  I had left campus as a burned-out 23-year-old student with little real world experience to speak of, and returning as a 24-year-old professional; not necessarily wiser, but with one year's worth of the all important "real world experience" under her belt.  But after ten minutes, the "WOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M BACK" became, "Okay, I'm back.  Whatever." I felt like an outsider.  What was interesting that no one said howdy to me.  When I first started college, you couldn't walk to class without a handful of people saying howdy to you.  Now everyone is attached to their cell phones and ipods. I did hit up the student center and bought a t-shirt and bracelet. I DON'T KNOW WHY. I have enough college t-shirts to last me a lifetime, but it was a CUTE SHIRT, OKAY?  I also went running there on Wednesday, which was fun.

I felt a little "green" on this job. I made silly little mistakes with the equipment.  I mean, yeah, this is my first time purging a well, so I'm still learning...but some things should be pretty intuitive.  This morning, on the way to dropping off samples, I tripped and fell, dropping my box and breaking 2 samples in the process. It was frustrating because we had to re-take those 2 samples, even though the pump had already been deconned.  I have bruises all over my legs from bumping into things.  SEXY. I can't even wear a skirt for the next two weeks because they look so unattractive, particularly the dark purple one on my calf. 

I've had a good time getting to know my coworkers better.  On Monday, our project manager took us to eat at this fancy restaurant well-known in town. SO GOOD.  Pranks were also played.  One of our field members found an empty package of a vibrator (7.5 inch and multicolored, in case you are curious) and stuck it in our truck. Thank goodness my partner knew that it was a prank and not mine!  We had a waitress sing happy birthday to my field partner even though, obviously, it wasn't his birthday.  Tonight we walked to eat Mexican food.  I hadn't had a drink at all, and thought I'd have a little margarita along with my coworkers. But it was so strong, and I do NOT want to be hungover tomorrow.  So I swapped it out with my other coworker's watered-down, half-finished super margarita.  The result?  Jenny = sober, the rest of the field crew = drunk after 3 super margaritas.  It was hilarious watching them get progressively drunker and listening to their funny stories. I had a really good time with them.

All in all, it's been a really fun week.  However, I'm amazed I lasted here for five years without going insane, AND without a car. I love my campus, but the town leaves a lot to be desired. I don't miss you, Cowboy Country. At all. 

Tomorrow, I am hoping we get out of here early after we finish our work. I need to go into work in the afternoon.  I've been thinking about something all week...I just hope I'm right, you know? 

I think the most appropriate emoticon for this website is :O

wut

What's with women trying to lay claim to their men, even though I have zero interest in their boyfriends?  I ran into an acquaintance I knew in college and made small talk briefly.  I was being polite and semi-formal, because I wasn't even sure if the person remembered me, so it's not like I was flirting.  Cue the arm going across the boyfriend's back and rubbing it protectively to remind me that he's hers.  Insecure much?

Dear Ashlee Simpson-Wentz,

Naming your poor, defenseless child Bronx Mowgli should be qualifiable as child abuse.  I really wish Cedars Sinai and other hospitals to the ~stars~ had a mandatory 24-hour waiting period for parents in which they must seriously contemplate the effect that their ridiculous name will have on their child.   

And yes, I know your husband had a role in this shenanigan too, but women are supposed to be more mature than men are, you know?  Remember how back in high school, girls would be more serious but boys would still be making fart jokes?  It's like that.  It's cool that you guys are fans of Disney and The Jungle Book (obviously), but this should have been your cue to be all, "Hey, this name may be cool right now because he's an infant blob and can't talk, but what about when he's graduating from high school and when he's walking to get his diploma, everyone starts laughing because his name is fucking BRONX MOWGLI?"

So, in closing, the name? Epic fail.

But not so much as this:

Sincerely,

Jenny