Fair Phantom

Update Coming Soon, Promise

nobody@vox.com(healthypanda) — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 11:54:29 -0600

Hope you all had happy holidays! This has been the best Christmas break for me in quite some time, I think...I promise a real update is coming soon! I'm also really excited about the new year...I'm going to get serious about something I've been thinking about for a long time, and changes (may) be in store here within the next year. And I've got my brother joined in on this one for morale/support, so this is not going to be one of those New Year's resolutions that I discard by February.

Happy New Year, everyone!

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12/31/99

nobody@vox.com(healthypanda) — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 01:52:36 -0600

When I was 15, I wrote myself a letter to open on New Year's Eve, 2009. After waiting 10 years, I couldn't wait any longer and opened it. (IT COUNTS, it's New Year's Eve.)

I was very apprehensive opening the letter, wondering if reading it would remind me of lost dreams and remind me of things I haven't accomplished, especially as I'm somewhat in the midst of a quarter-life crisis...but I have to say that the letter was a bit of a letdown in that respect. The letter was more of a snapshot of my life at that moment instead of what I wanted to accomplish within the last ten years, which is good. But it was still fun to read and reminded me parts of myself that I want to get back. Here it is, with my modern-day commentary not italicized:

December 31, 1999

Dear Jenny,

I am writing this on the eve of the new millennium (I spelled it correctly even back then, take that!) It is 6:40 pm. It is already 2000 in Italy.

You're not going to see this again until December 31, 2009. Let's see, you'll be...twenty-five! You'll be...older! I wonder if you'll be in computers...a teacher...a writer...an actress? Will you have a family? A boyfriend? Where will you live?

Right now you have Max and Tad for pets (Max was my dachshund, and Tad was my brother's frog). Patrick is searching for Woody's hat.

I just got through "helping" Mama with dinner. She got mad at me. Personally, I think she needs to lighten up. (LOL SORRY MOM, me and my teenage hormones).

Your friends are: Frances, Ruby, Jackie, Melissa, Lindsey, Jett, and others.

Your classes are Chemistry #'s, English # (boring), P.E., Algebra 2#, orchestra (boring, I'm dropping out), World History #, and Spanish.

I had a back appointment on the 28th (same day Frances got back from Hawaii) I'm out of the danger zone! (I got diagnosed with kyphosis when I was 14, and for awhile there they thought I needed a back surgery. I went to physical therapy for a year and didn't need it any longer).

This letter is kind of disappointing and you'll be bored to death reading it. Maybe a little embarrassed.

We got a new car. It's a Ford Contour. It's beige and it's great.

I got 2 rejection letters: no acceptance letter yet. I hope that in ten years I will be a best-selling author.

I just saw a commercial on Drunk Driving. Will I be alive in 10 years? I've always had this awful premonition (Ok, I was very morbid when I was a teenager and obviously had anxiety issues even back then).

Well, so long. WAIT! I forgot to write my hobbies! I love writing, crafts, exercising, food (hee hee, I'm still thin. <- I wrote that back then, sounds kind of bitchy right?) I love all the arts: literature, theater, dance, art, and music. I LOVE to read. I like such classics as Little Women and Gone with the Wind to such new ones as Harry Potter. I hope I can get the whole set. (I had JUST read the first Harry Potter book maybe just a week before I wrote this letter...it was the start of an obsession).

I want to learn Italian. I'm learning Spanish.

NOW I have to go. Bye!

Love, Jenny

P.S. I'm trying CHAMPAGNE tonight!! (And hated it)

P.P.S. We had a supper of linguine & clams (yum), cauliflower salad (yuck), and potato fries (yum!)

P.P.S.S. I keep going on ABCNEWS.com!

P.P.P.S.S.S. Here I wrote a little blurb in code how I liked one of my friends from high school, but what my 15-year-old self didn't know at the time is that he'd come out of the closet two years later.

I think I will write one today for my 35-year-old self to keep the cycle going. Happy New Year's Eve, everyone. Stay safe.

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QotD: Nosy Friends & Family

nobody@vox.com(healthypanda) — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 10:30:33 -0600

What's the hardest, most embarrassing or most inappropriate question you were asked this holiday season? Who asked it?

"Who do you want to kiss under the Mistletoe?" - VOX

JK, I don't know how to answer these things anymore.

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Merry Christmas!

nobody@vox.com(healthypanda) — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 12:33:36 -0600

Hope you all are having a wonderful holiday. Santa was very generous and got me a Coach Sabrina satchel this year.

Yesterday was Pat's 22nd birthday. It was a lot of fun, and by the end of the night, I was having WAAAAAAY too much fun. All I will say is that a. I will probably never drink Crown ever again and b. I did shit last night that my family will taunt me about for all of eternity.

I'm very glad to be here at home, spending this Christmas with my family and closest friends. I hope that you all are just as blessed wherever you are. <3

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QotD: Kissing under the Mistletoe

nobody@vox.com(healthypanda) — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 02:28:36 -0600

If you could kiss anyone under the mistletoe, who would it be?

Your mom.

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Can You BE More Condescending?

nobody@vox.com(healthypanda) — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 15:48:12 -0600

I had to call my little friend from that post I made a couple of weeks ago, the guy at the governmental agency who speaks to me like I'm 5. I called him again to ask a question because I couldn't get a hold of anyone else. He briefly explained the process but since I've never done this before and want to get it right, I asked a clarification question. "Weeeeeellll Jennifer," he said in a very condescending tone and UGH REALLY DUDE? Am I wasting that much of your time by asking one question?

I don't get it. I'm trying to be nice and polite. Maybe my voice is too high-pitched. At work I keep a generally cheery and compliant air and only unleash the bitchy side when I need to...maybe I need to unleash that bitchy side MORE OFTEN. If he keeps doing this when I have a question, I'm just gonna call him out on it.

I wonder if I will ever get to meet this guy in person. He's probably one of those old-school engineers in his sixties. If I do, I will make sure to give him one of my signature handshakes just so he knows I'm not some weak little girl. I shake hands like a man!

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Hey Guys

nobody@vox.com(healthypanda) — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 23:46:16 -0600

Que pasa? I am wide awake as usual. This is terrible. I should be more mature about going to sleep but guess what? Hasn't happened yet.

Maybe with the start of 2010, I will mature into the Golden Age of Jenny, and be totally accomplished and responsible, and go to bed before midnight for fucking once.

I went for a good run yesterday with my running group. It helped cleared my jumbled thoughts a little, and the weather was fairly warm for December (even though it started getting so cold today). I hate running on the track but I managed to get 8 laps in. My stomach hurt terribly after 6 of them, which always sucks. But once the pain went away, I went back out and finished 2 more. My stomach always hurts if I run too fast, so I don't know if I'm pushing it too hard or what. But how will I ever get faster if I don't run faster and just push aside the pain? I don't know. I'm a wuss.

I have a Gone With the Wind special taping on TCM and I keep looking up and seeing stills of Vivien Leigh. She was sooo pretty. If I could choose to look like anyone, it'd be her.

Tomorrow we have our company luncheon, and then on Friday there is another luncheon at my downtown office. I'm gonna have to restrain myself from piling on the desserts, which is what I usually do during luncheons :)

I don't know what else to say.

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Sigh

nobody@vox.com(healthypanda) — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 19:05:47 -0600

I don't have any motivation to be updating this thing very much anymore...I will keep at it though. I just feel like Vox is slowly dying. A lot of my buddies on here have jumped ship due to other sites and various issues with this platform. I've been using my Tumblr account a lot and enjoying it, maybe a little more now that I've enabled comments on there (thanks, Jack!) I like the simplicity of uploading pictures, audio files, and videos. I also like trying to express as much as possible with few words.

I've been going through some shit lately. Nothing bad, I have friends who are going through soooo much worse so I'm grateful for what I have and whatnot...just you know. I guess it's really all just me. Years of being incredibly hard on yourself and not taking care of yourself can really take a toll on a person. And I wish I can take back some of the things I've done in the past. I just want to rewind and say I'm sorry and make everything better, but it's too late. It's much too late. I missed my chance a long time ago and there's no turning back. All I can do is look forward. I just wish I wasn't so stubborn and acted like I didn't care when I did the entire time, so so much. I wasn't a nice person at times because I was trying too hard to keep everything bottled up and not show how I really felt. I was too scared to take a chance so I just tried to pretend that I didn't care, hoping that I could convince myself that this is how I really felt. But I can't do it, even after all this time. I'm so good at hiding how I really feel that sometimes I was able to fool the ones closest to me, but it's getting too hard for me to do it now. And I don't want to do it anymore, because it hurts too much.

I can't really use this as an outlet anymore as much as I did in the past. The things I want to talk about the most, I can't really say on here or even in the neighborhood only posts...because I know too much of you all in real life. Lol.

I have a lot of work to do within the next couple of weeks...I just have to "defrag" myself and my thinking. If you have any questions, inquire within. Just don't expect any straight answers ;)

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Camping Virgin

nobody@vox.com(healthypanda) — Thu, 03 Dec 2009 22:26:19 -0600

Tomorrow night, I am supposed to go camping. The trip is planned from tomorrow night to Sunday afternoon. We will be backpacking in the Hill Country.

I was pretty excited about it until a couple of days ago. In Texas, winters are usually fairly mild in December. I've spent many Christmases in my hometown in shorts (barring that one year we actually got snow). So I wasn't too concerned about a camping trip in December.

But then this week, the news started reporting of the possibility of snow. I blew it off at first, but apparently there's a 70% chance that we're getting fucking snow tomorrow. If I DIDN'T have to go camping, I'd be thrilled. What a perfect reason to stay home, right? (Because I REFUSE to drive anywhere in snow. Ain't happening. And since all my coworkers have seen my car, they will believe me when I say it is safer for me not to drive in snow).

I am going camping with a Program team member, a bunch of high school kids, and some of their parents. He is the leader of this group of high school students...kind of like Boy Scouts, except it's Co-Ed. He asked me to do this back in the summer, and I said sure. It sounded pretty fun. And up until three days ago, I was pretty pumped. Then the news of the snow came in, and I was like, shit. Who wants to camp out in snow, for the first time? I asked if we were still going if it snowed. "Yes!" he said. "We're only not going if the roads are icy and unsafe to travel on."

I've been scouring weather reports and now it's kind of hard to tell what the weather will be like tomorrow. One report says that the snow will stop by mid-afternoon, while another says that there will be a freeze tomorrow night. We're not supposed to get to the site until 9:30, so I definitely don't want to be on the roads around then. The good thing is that parents are responsible for driving everyone (I'm not even allowed to drive, thank goodness). So I'm sure that if there was some concern, we're all adults and would be able to make a rational decision.

I guess the only thing left to do is wait and see. Since I don't want to go camping in freezing temperatures, cross your fingers for me that we get a deep freeze here in Central Texas tomorrow and that we postpone the trip for warmer temperatures.

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Thanksgiving Break Round-Up

nobody@vox.com(healthypanda) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 22:30:51 -0600

The good Pete reminded me that I haven't done my annual Thanksgiving break roundup. So, here it is, in abbreviated form.

Tuesday - I drove home and chilled with my family. That evening, my aunt, uncle, and cousins stopped by to visit since they were in town. It was my first time meeting my baby cousin Eliana, and she was just as adorable as she was in the pictures. I love babies.

Wednesday - Went on a run on the treadmill, which tells you how desperate I was for a run.My friends came into town. That night, Pat dropped me off at the Martini Bar so I could meet up with Tap, Conrad, and Clint. I very rarely get to enjoy a drink out since I'm always driving myself, so it was nice to be able to relax and have a few. We just hung out for awhile listening to the local band playing there (good) and the DJ (bad, very bad). Then we started playing pool, which was my first time ever. Haha.

Thursday - Thanksgiving! I actually made my pumpkin pie before my dad started his turkey. This is probably for the first time ever as I usually procrastinate on the pie, leading to my dad getting on my case for procrastinating and rushing the pie. Everyone declared that this was the best pie ever, so I guess I did something right. I stayed in and watched movies with my dad, as Pat went out with his friends and my mom fell asleep.

Friday - Tap invited us over for a fantastic Thanksgiving feast that his parents made. We then went to the mall, where I was able to get some good deals. Later that night we went to play pool, and capped it off with late night Whataburger.

Saturday - My dad and I went on a good run, which I needed to clear my head and lift my spirits from something that was bothering me. We decorated the tree at night. For some reason, one of my parents had randomly stuffed the ornament box with old papers and photos. I found old pictures of me, including one from 8th grade that should never see the light of day again, as well as the journal for English class I wrote at 16.

It always sucks returning from a break, because I have to get used to how quiet my apartment is. It takes a bit to get my mind back into work mode, too. I'm getting sick too, which also is not fun. I hope it clears up before Friday night, as I'm supposed to go on a backpacking trip this weekend. If I feel better, I will go and buy some warm clothes for the trip.

I'm going to go relax. Hope y'all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

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