The Billy Letters

I am obsessed with getting mail.  Ever since I was little, I have loved checking the mail and seeing if there is a letter for me.  Doesn't matter-postal mail, email. I love it.  It's a shame that email has taken over all methods of communication, because it used to be so much fun to have pen pals and get letters.  Even now, I happily check the apartment mail box or my hanging file folder at work to see if I get anything.  But besides my magazine subscriptions, the only mail I ever get is spam asking me to move to another apartment, or bills. Exciting.

But to be honest, as much as I like checking my mail, I'm not too sure how I'd feel if, say, there was a letter from a serial killer waiting for me.  Apparently Bill Geerhart had no problem with it.  A pop culture historian, he pretended to be a ten-year-old boy soliciting advice from celebrities and serial killers, and published the results in Radar Magazine. The results are hilarious for reasons that will make you feel slightly guilty when you laugh.  You can read the letters here.  I promise that the results are very entertaining.  The Unabomber is the only one with any sensible advice.  As expected, Charles Manson's reply makes no sense and is scary.  Richard Ramirez intersperses his attempt at making conversation with the repeated request to send pictures (he even has his own Nightstalker stationary! Creepy). 

"Greetings. Received your letter. Glad to hear my letter to you in '99 made a difference. When do you graduate? Yeah, get me a subscription to Radar Magazine. What is it about? Know any Asian girls willing to correspond? Send pictures. You can photocopy 5 on 1 page or send 'em singular. Nothing scenic though. Send some of girls in bikinis."

For those of you put off by reading letters from serial killers, "The Billy Letters" also include correspondences with Dick Cheney and Arnold Schwarzenegger (that letter is hilarious, because Billy asks for Arnold's advice on what to do after pinching a girl's bottom, since "you do it all the time." Not surprisingly, all he received was a form letter in return.)

This collection of letters is bizarre, but undoubtedly very entertaining.