Books That Suck, Volume One

I've written book reviews on this blog in the past about books I really liked, but what about the really terrible books that aren't worth a second glance?  In this volume, I'll tackle the overrated classics.  Obviously this post contains SPOILERS, so don't whine to me like a dumbass if I ruined the ending of a book you happen to be reading.

1.  Where the Red Fern Grows

Where the Red Fern Grows

Why does this book suck?  Technically, it doesn't.  It has a decent story-a little boy buys two bloodhounds and raises them as his own.  But it's a terrificly awful book to read as a fifth grader, when the two dogs you become all attached to throughout the story die sad and miserable deaths. One gets disemboweled by a mountain lion, and the other dog dies of a broken heart.  How heavy is that? I mean, Wilson Rawls, couldn't you have killed off only one dog?  But no.  I was stuck reading this crap in both the fifth and sixth grades.  I would have to say that the second time was worse. By then I actually had a red little puppy, Max, and would think about him as I read the book, effectively making it much more depressing.  So since this book made me cry and has a twisted ending about dead dogs, it sucks.

2.  Gulliver's Travels

This is one of the few books I didn't finish in a high school English class. I was supposed to read this book for my senior AP English class.  That class was such a joke.  My teacher used to bitch about how much we students talked too much and never did our work, and after her bitchfest, she'd walk to the back of the room and flirt and talk with the boys for the rest of the period.  As for this book, I just physically could not make myself turn another page. It is one of the most boring books I have ever attempted to read.  The day before the test, I got the Sparknotes and read them frantically.  I got an 85 on the test.  Thanks, Sparknotes!  For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to tell my teacher that I was able to pass her test solely off of Sparknotes.  Cue a lecture to the entire class about how irresponsible it is to read Sparknotes instead of the book and how you're cheating yourselves from the actual story.  Cheating myself out of what, Mrs. C?  INSUFFERABLE BOREDOM?

What gets me is that everyone else I talk to professes their love for this book. 

3.  Grapes of Wrath

You know, this book didn't actually suck...only the first 300 pages did.  In the first chapter, every other word must have been "dust."   Okay, we get it.  There is a lot of fucking dust.

4.  Jane Eyre

I can sum up Jane Eyre in one sentence: "Oh Mr. Rochester, blah blah blah, I love him, blah blah blah."  There's a lot of nonsense in that sentence for you to get the gist of what I'm saying, right?  That's how the how the entire novel is.

5.  The Great Gatsby

Maybe this book sucked only because it had been listed as the 2nd greatest novel of the twentieth century.  Take it from me-it isn't.  What a letdown.

6.  A Tale of Two Cities

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."  To be honest, I can't say whether or not this book sucks, because I never got past the first sentence.

Now it's your turn-what were the books that you couldn't get through in English class?